Thantophobia

Time for the toughest week, doomsday it is. For an introvert person like me, it's really very difficult to interact with unknown people and make friends out of it. Many would disagree with me calling myself an introvert. Introvert is a term oftenly misunderstood with negative connotations to it. Introvert is typically, the person that no one understands. Introverts are often commercialized into the people who "sit at home watching Netflix all day."

On the contrary, the real introvert is the person who thinks deeply, keeps to themselves, and feels depleted by social situations. Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy. Some may have great social lives and love talking to their friends but just need some time to be alone to "recharge" afterwards. Introverts are simply misunderstood because the majority of the population consists of extroverts.
It's my utter pleasure that I got peeps like you, who welcomed me warmly, made me comfortable enough to express myself in front of you without any apprehension. This was by far the best and the easiest experience of mine, making new friends. Each one of you added a glory to my crown. Although being a reticent person myself, I always enjoyed standing under the shine of these jewels.
But as they say, life is a bitch. What comes around goes around.
I have seen people, the precious jewels of my crown falling with nothing much I could do to save myself. The tighter you hold sand, faster it slips off.
The fear of losing people had grew this inhibition in me to not make new friends.
I always wanted to hold them as close to me as possible.
This fear made me restless. This restlessness started bothering me and others as well. My silence was misunderstood as my arrogance.
People worried for me expected an answer, I couldn't utter a word.
But silently I screamed, 'I have a fear of losing people. I have already lost a friend, now I don't want to lose others.' and the tear rolled backwards.

Sorry!

The door creaked, I did try not to make that creepy door sound but it still did. I tip-toed into the room balancing the coffee tray in my hand. The floor was all mess - melted ice, nutella stained sheets, clothes lying around. Slowly, steadily and carefully, I reached the side table balancing the tray and not making any more sound. Quickly placing the tray on the side table, I sat on the edge of the bed - gazing at the sleeping beauty. A strand of hair fell on her face, I quickly moved it back to reveal the beautiful face. Although it wasn’t hindering her beauty, nothing could ever do. The gloomy line of turmoil had disappeared from her face. Eyelids closed against the sun rays to block any and every thing entering into the panorama of her dreams. Every single muscle of her face and body was relaxed. Neither a twitch nor a spasm, barely any movement of her breasts rising and falling with each intake of air was the depth of her stupor.

 Choked with emotions, I rolled my fingers on her cheeks. I want to say sorry to you, but I knew it won't be enough for my actions. I always took you for granted. I screamed on you, I snapped at you, I abused you, fought with you, did every wrong thing - knowingly-unknowingly that would hurt you. I now realize such a moron I was. Every time I was upset, annoyed, frustrated, mortified I always vented out on you. I always raised questions at you, argued with you, disapproved with you. You should never be blamed if you had ever retaliate. If any of this would have happened to me, I would have broke down to hell. But you always stood there for me. Thank you for being the Captain America's shield in my life and absorb all my inconsiderate, thoughtless insensitive and mean behavior.

I want to lean forward kiss on her forehead and say sorry, but when I leaned forward all I could utter was - 'Love You Sweetheart, Good Morning'